|
It often happens that we live our lives in a way that is
distant, if not opposite, to our harmonic way, to our
essence, the deepest one, less modifiable, the most structural part of
us. The comprehension of the essence of ourselves isn’t easy, especially when a contrasting aspects coexist among
them, maybe to the point that the presence of one part makes it difficult for the other
parts.
Yet, it’s always possible to find a
balance, also by giving up something of ourselves, as long as it isn’t the most important
thing. Living then becomes much better.Careful
though, there are certain aspects that we can and must
change, others that we can but we don’t necessarily have
to, and others that, even if we wanted to, we could never change.Balance is also
periodic. Each person has different balances depending on the period of his or her life. There are some of our components that in certain period are particularly
sacrificed, no matter what the reason may be. Our system will look for a balance in this
situation, but that doesn’t mean that it will be
everlasting. It can be that after a certain period, our being can’t stand it anymore and needs to
change.
Probably satisfying what was sacrificed up to that moment. At this
point, it’s easy to find oneself in front of a kind of law of the
pendulum, the need of what previously sacrificed emerges in a particularly strong way. Stronger than what it would have normally been for
us, creating even more unbalanced than the one that caused it. We should be the ones trying to re-balance
things, but to do so, first of all we need to understand what has
happened. So it’s advisable to get in the habit of
thinking, of trying to understand ourselves. "Know
yourself" isn’t a useless nor a stock phrase, even though we certainly can’t spend all our time only doing
that.
This may have happened to many people. At the end of a love affair or a
friendship, one ask oneself "How could I have fallen in love with this
person?", "What did I see in them?", "I don’t
understand!" We really can’t understand what truly fascinated us in that moment, because it isn’t it like that
anymore. Then, often at this point, these situations can become very serious for us and
others. But how did we get to this
point? How could all this happen?
First of all we must understand that, during the relationship, we all have changed. This goes for everybody. When we met the person in question, we had a certain needs, basic and periodical (they aren't the same thing), and our own ideas. Basic are the structural lifelong needs. Periodical are those needs tied to definite moments of our life and change, which can change with time.
For example people, who spend a dynamic
period, need some tranquillity, After a lot of
sociality, the need to stay at home, and after variety and
risk, peace and security. And after a boring and repeatitive
period, they need unexpected circumstances. After dedicating time to
others, they possibly need to dedicate time to themselves and so on. When we are overwhelmed by
something, the neglected need rises again stronger then it normally
is, cancelling also basic needs which will become dominant later on. A person that fits well because of how they are made in certain moment, could be absolutely inadequate in another one.
It is, therefore, important to understand what period we are in, what are the things we
need, and to know if they are important only in this period or if they will be
forever. To understand which are the our real basic
necessities, we must first understand how we are. After that, we can do whatever we want as we want
to. Living, enjoying ourselves, but without the idea that it’ll last a lifetime if it doesn’t respond to our basic
needs, because the delusion well be certain and could involve other people, who have nothing to do with it and towards whom we are
responsible.
We must always be suspicious of excessive generalized
strictness, because in reality it isn’t human nor
possible, not even for who tolerates it. Usually the more rigidity is
imposed, much less is applied to those important
things, by the one who proposed it. I believe that there is someone who is honestly strict with himself as with
others, but I don’t believe it’s the right
choice. We weren’t born to suffer!
No, there’s no reason for believing so. If somebody absolutely wants
to, it’s his or her choice, but I think it’s
immoral. It is truly immoral, wanting to take others, convince
them, forcing them in a way more or less direct or indirect or
insidious, or with blackmail, to make them follow your
way.
Life can be joyful, more
lively, more positive, and better to live. I think we all have the right to try and live it in a better way.
Problems, pains, grieves, are all part of the package, but they aren’t the only components of it. Some try to give pain and sadness
because...they have their own problems. They have
rancorous, rage, envy, sadness, mistrust, failures, insecurity and they try to make other people live
badly, just like they do.
On the other hand, it seems to me righteous and
moral, bringing and spreading among us positively,
good, joy finding out how to solve the existing
problems, not by inventing other ones, perhaps impossible to solve, in order that even the others may have their
failure. So we’ll be even. Each one with our
failure.
Instead of renouncing, trying to bring others to give up like
us, we can look for other ways to live; by finding the strength within ourselves and not by making other people lose it.
Marco Dal Negro |